A few weeks after my last day of creative writing graduate school I invited one of my fellow graduating graduate students over to get drunk. He'd once written a story about vegetables and he cut his own hair. He brought with him a big box of Miller Highlife and a 45 with a multi-eyed goat on the cover. The 45 was by his band, Ex FAG COP. The records by FAG COP were out of print and hard to find, he told me, and they weren't worth buying anyway. We drank and had a great time even though we'd been just friendly acquaintances in school. After he left, when I was smashed, I listened to his record and I liked it. It sounded like the Butthole Surfers stuck in one really high gear.
A few days later he sent me some videos of his band playing in a hole in Kansas. Then he went on tour in Europe and tweeted twice on twitter, once to say, "Rome is for lovers, and cheap food and beer and lots of trash. #homesweethome #jizzwave," and the other to say, "@comerolfwithme such pain! Who is the little guy? And can I crush him/her???" I was jealous. I sent a note: "@homofiveoh You were in Italy. Can I write about you?" And he replied, "@90milesoutofatl yes and yes. Never ask!"
I proposed we do a Q&A where he ask the questions as me and I write the answers as him and then we do a normal one and then we mix the two. He said, Yeah that works, and then he changed his mind. Apparently he's secretive and he doesn't trust anyone (anyone) to exert creative licence over his band.
I said, I just want to have fun. What's most interesting to me is that we were in an MFA program and I didn't know till it was done that you were in a punk band, I said.
He said, This angle sucks. Punk and literature are both dead. Don't you remember digging a hole in the grave and fucking it? And anyways, you didn't know until the program was done because you (obviously) didn't read my comments on your young adult book, where I said something to the effect of "hey, you're mentioning punk bands. You should put my punk band FAG COP in there. That would be funny."
It's true. I burned all those comments on my Weber grill in my backyard the next morning and I'm not working on that teen book anymore.
You can listen to FAG COP's new LP Whimpers from the Pantheon on bandcamp or buy it by sending $15 dollars to homosexualpoliceofficer [at] gmail [dot] com.